The Sacred Withdrawal: Embracing the Uncomfortable Joy of Retreat
A Philosophy of Silence and Solitude Retreats
Introduction: Defining Spiritual Retreat
Retreats have come to be associated with many things in our contemporary Christian world, from conferences to camps, and anything in between. When we speak about Retreat then, we must define our terms. The Retreat I am referring to is one that many call a “Spiritual Retreat’ and it is “The setting aside of an extraordinary amount of time to do something (in solitude and silence) for the sake of your soul at an intensity and duration that your ordinary lifestyle doesn’t permit” (Dr. John Coe). Retreat is a paradoxical journey of stepping back to advance. This idea is present in the very name. To retreat in a military sense is to strategically withdraw. This kind of retreat is an intentional withdrawal from the noise and the busyness of everyday life. This is a decision to tend to the things in your body and soul that need tending. In simplest terms, a spiritual retreat means going away to a quiet location to seek to engage in disciplined activity with the Lord. It can seem at first that Retreat is simply an escape from reality, but Retreat is anything but that. Retreat is a withdrawal from daily life in order ot reengage that life with greater clarity and purpose.
The Essence of Being: Stepping Away From 'Doing'
Philosophically, retreat is based on the conviction that we are more than what we do. As people, we are incredibly achievement and activity-oriented. Yet God calls us to be. So in Retreat, we step away from doing for the sake of our being and becoming. In Retreat, we are forced to confront the real questions. We are faced with questions like “Who am I when I am not busy?” and “What truly sustains me?”. This space and silence brings these real questions to the surface and deprives us of pretense or facades. When it is just our exposed self before God, then there is nothing to hide behind. There is no room for anything but our genuine self. To some, this is a terrifying reality, and it is the same reason that so many avoid silence in any part of their life. When the noise stops, we are forced to reckon with the questions in our hearts and minds and the things that are begging for our attention. The reality is that, as intimidating as this sounds, it is profoundly liberating. Only the real you can be really loved. When the masks are down and you simply are, then you can be known and loved. In such an environment with God in love and truth, we can become transparent and freed from false identities to be transformed through love because, as Ruth Haley Barton says, “Solitude is the furnace of transformation”. Retreat is the act of opening yourself, leaving behind the distractions and smoke screens to meet God in secret, trusting that God might have something waiting for us when we arrive.
The Liberating Power of Silence and Solitude
For many of these reasons, Retreat often brings about a sense of relief and discomfort. Psychologically, we crave rest because we know we need it, and yet the silence and solitude are so foreign to us that they feel uncomfortable. My first experiences with silence and solitude were jarring. I had no idea what to do with all this time and mental space. The more I practice these disciplines, however, the more comfortable it becomes and the stronger my desire for it grows. On my most recent retreat, I found myself ready to go back as soon as I had returned to the world. These transitions are mentally unnatural. Our minds struggle to downshift to stillness from the chaotic pace of daily life. This same shock is present in the reverse, coming out of silence into the onslaught of noise. This disruption is intentional, though. As we enter into the silence, we can embrace that discomfort. Rather than attempting to solve it, I have learned to let the sloshing of my soul settle until I can look and see the one or two things that have settled at the top demanding my attention before the Lord. Dr. Coe and others recommend intentionally doing nothing for the first few hours of retreat, simply walking, sitting, or resting, and paying attention to what is stirring up in your soul. This practice transformed my most recent retreat and placed it in clear contrast to my first. Rather than jumping right into things and further distracting myself, I was able to pay attention to what was calling for care in myself. Scripture is very clear that God speaks in a whisper, and this quieting both externally and internally helps us to be receptive to his whisper. This psychological unwinding is what prepares us for the spiritual encounter with the one who has been waiting for us all along.
Encountering God: A Spiritual Encounter in Silence
At its core, Retreat is a spiritual encounter. In solitude, we sit before God, and in silence, we listen to God. In this secret place, we are able to experience what Jesus talks about in Matthew 6 with the one who “sees in secret”. There is a sense that God sees me just as I am in the silence. This experience can be experienced differently, but I have recently experienced it as being held by my Father. I have been able to encounter God’s presence as a loving embrace. When we retreat, we follow in the foot steps of our rabbi who “often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16). We accept the invitation of Jesus, to “go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile” (Mark 6:31). Although we know that God is always near to us, when we retreat we step into a space where that nearness can be felt and experienced. This can look like a time of restoration, conviction, reminder, or any number of things. This can look like silence. As we turn away from the noise and towards God, He may want us to see ourselves and our disordered desires, character, and capacities. Retreat is a time when we let God lead the dance. We come in with a plan, but we come in with a willingness to go where He wants to take us.
The Dual Nature of Retreat: Rest and Refinement
Retreat is not always an easy or enjoyable experience. Our understanding of Retreat must hold the full gamut of the experience it entails. In my own Retreat experience, I have known moments of peace and rest. In those moments, I feel like I finally know what the Psalmist means when he talks of green pastures and still waters. Other times, I have been challenged and frustrated on retreat. Often, my experience includes a bit of both. In retreat, God has frustrated my expectations and desires. He knows what we need, and He will give it to us if we are willing to go there. Sometimes that looks like rest for a weary soul, and sometimes that looks like work for a stagnant soul. My most recent retreat began with great rest and restoration before leading into feeling called to uncomfortable choices ahead. Retreat, then, is both a resting place and a workshop where God does a holy work in and through us. God, in His goodness, is not willing to leave us where we are. He accepts us as we are, but He always wants to conform us more to the image of His Son by whatever means, rest, or refinement. This requires a release of control.
Conclusion: The Necessity of Retreat for Spiritual Growth
Practically, Retreat requires intention and preparation. We do not accidentally find ourselves in silence and solitude. In order to engage in this activity, we have to set aside time and space. There is an effort involved if we are to prioritize this forgotten art. We first must set aside the time away from our work, family responsibilities, and commitments. We need a space away that is conducive to stillness and being alone. For some, this is a retreat center, others a monastery, still others a cabin in the woods, or a beach house, or even a quiet room in a home. The most important thing is that this be a space set aside for time with God. It is helpful to consider ahead of time what your intention is on Retreat, whether to seek guidance, engage in intercession, or simply reconnect, as long as this plan is held with open hands for God to do what He will. Having a sense of structure with freedom has been very comforting to me as I navigate this time. This structure serves as a sort of scaffolding with disciplines like journaling, scripture reading, and fixed hour prayer from which I can launch into what God invites me. At the end of Retreat, we reenter our lived reality hopefully with new perspective. It is helpful to reflect on the retreat before returning and reenter as gently as possible. Retreat is where we recover the truth of who we are before God and find that we are loved, seen, and invited to be changed. Retreat is not optional for spiritual growth, but it is an indispensable rhythm of the spiritual life.
Recommended Resources:
Both of these books are incredibly acessible reads for someone who interested in the idea of a spiritual retreat. They explain the practical details and explore the heart behind retreat. They are included in the curriculum at the Institute for Spiritual Formation at Talbot.
Wilderness Time: A Guide for Spiritual Retreat by Emilie Griffin