Solitude, Silence, and Prayer

A Reflection on The Way of the Heart by Henri Nouwen

Photo taken by Zack Gross on Dec 29, 2018

Introduction:

Nouwen begins his book with a sobering assessment of the current state of Christianity. In a lot of ways, I resonate with his analysis. It feels that there is a general apathy and conformity from the Christians that surround me. In looking for hope and a way forward, he turns to the Desert Fathers᾽ approach to spirituality. He tells the story of Abba Arsenius who asked the Lord to lead him in the way of salvation and heard the command to “flee, be silent, and pray”. All three of these are radically countercultural and create space for spiritual growth through a relationship with God.  

Solitude:

Nouwen starts with the idea of fleeing into solitude. He first looks at the rushing business of ministry and the constant expectations of what must be done. As someone in local church ministry, I could not help relating to what he was saying. I look at myself and my coworkers and know that often there is no space to be alone with God in the secret place because of the demands on us. Even when we do spend time in Scripture or in prayer it can often be for the benefit of our people and not a genuine one on one with the Father. Nouwen believes that this constant need to perform cultivates compulsivity, especially of anger and greed. Having been working in church for five years now, I have this seen to be super true. There is a constant awareness of making people happy, desires for people, and desires for the self. But Nouwen says, “Solitude is the furnace of transformation”. He talks about the way that it forces us to face our false self without distraction and to let it die in dependent conversation with Jesus. I found this to be true in my own 48-hour retreat. In some ways the misconceptions of what solitude is that Nouwen addresses had snuck into my expectations. However as I was there, I did have the chance to see what I really care about and to converse with God about it. Specifically, my cohort leader had encouraged me to sit with Jesus and process some pain I had experienced and I had not had time to do so. On retreat however, I had time and space to really look at it head-on and experienced a death to that bitterness and shame in the solitary presence of God that I had not expected. 

Silence:

Of all of the sections of the book, the section on Silence was my favorite. I have always been someone who was humming, singing, talking or making noise but through Spiritual Formation experiences like the four months I spent in El Salvador, silence has come to be a beautiful gift for my growth and relationship with God. During my retreat, I could sense a temptation in my mind to spend all of the time praying either in my mind or in written prayers but from my preparation, I felt invited to silence. I sat with God without words to distract me and found that sometimes that was it and other times it led to things I would not have thought about or talked to God about had I not been silent before him first. Nouwen also talks about how silence teaches us to speak. As I sat in silence on my retreat, I did have thoughts and things I wanted to say come to mind. It gave me the chance to write those things down and sit with them for longer. I could not immediately communicate them via phone call or text. Some of those things I did end up sharing after my retreat others I did not. It felt like an invitation to silently ponder with God rather than speaking immediately and a movement of growth towards what James calls guarding the tongue. Lastly, Nouwen talks about silence as a ministry. After my retreat, I was hearing from a friend who was sharing about some deep insecurities and hurts.  Because I had recently practiced such intense silence, I sat and listened to him and felt compelled to not speak. He kept pausing and expecting me to say something and then with the space would eventually go deeper or further simply because I had not said anything. I could not help but think that I would have been stunting his growth spiritually by speaking rather than remaining silent. 

Prayer:

Nouwen says that the Desert Fathers thought of solitude as “being alone with God” and silence “as listening to God” because “Solitude and silence are the contexts within which prayer is practiced”. Silence and solitude although on the surface sound unrelational are for the Christian deeply relational. They provide space to have intimate relationship with the most important person in the universe. I say that I am in a relationship with God but I am often so busy that I hardly talk to much less listen to God. if this is so how can I expect to grow with him or be formed by him. Silence and solitude in intense regimens give the fodder for intentions to become rhythms. Nouwen addresses the prayer of the mind and of the heart. I have long felt comfortable with the prayer of the mind but as I walk longer with Jesus, I have been drawn to align my heart also. As I relate to God to not do so purely intellectually but with my affect and whole person. How can I expect to grow in my love for him and my relationship to him without that?        

If you would like to read Nouwen’s book yourself here is the link to that!