Photo by Zack Gross (2022)
Plass and Cofield through their stories, examples, and reason thoroughly compelled me of the necessity of seeing people as relational souls. They say that humans are fundamentally relational beings because they are created in the image of a relational God. The goal of the Christian life is to be transformed into the image of Jesus and this can only happen through interaction in relationship with the triune God. Plass and Cofield helpfully emphasize that because God indwells all believers, the importance of the incarnational ministry of another person in this growth cannot be underplayed.
Plass and Cofield lay a rich foundation for the way the soul is structured for relationship. They discuss how God is in himself relational from eternity past. This idea is something that was not emphasized for me until people like Tim Keller or C.S. Lewis made it clear for me in recent years. This has great significance for how we think of God but also for how we think of ourselves and others. Plass and Cofield write, “We are relational souls designed for deep connection with God and others”. There is such a temptation in Western Christianity to have a “Jesus and me” kind of relationship with God. Plass and Cofield really emphasize the necessity of relationships with God but also with other people. We were wired for it as we can clearly see from Adam being alone (with God) and that not being good.
They go on to write that, “Our relational style was formed in the context of relationships, and it is in the context of relationships that it must be transformed”. This felt like a really powerful approach to the question of retreating and living a life of solitude. They say, “Every soul is created for connection. Isolation is contrary to our design”. As they looked at attachment theory and the way that our relational thermostat is set from early relational dynamics, I saw in a new way the importance of community in the spiritual life. If I have internalized certain ways of relating to people they will cause me to miss out on the full invitation that God has for me in life in the Spirit. They say, “The wounds of our past relationships often define how we relate to God.” I had not previously thought much of this beyond knowing that those with an abusive or absent Father might struggle to connect with God as Father. This book caused me to reflect even on more subtle and simple relational dynamics that can be embedded into my understanding of my relationship with God. Those things can be transformed but it is so powerful for that transformation to happen in the same embodied way in which they were malformed. Yes God can do a work supernaturally. But the natural process of growth is through relationship with others who through consistent interaction can retrain and reform my way of relating to people honestly and openly.
Plass and Cofield say that, “True relational connection requires vulnerability and authenticity”. As they discussed this the importance of relationships in spiritual growth took on a new significance for me. I thought about the ways that honesty, vulnerability, and authenticity have been modeled for me in my family, with friends, and specifically in small group or youth group settings. As I was growing up, the shift that would happen when a leader would choose to be vulnerable in a small group setting. It would model and set the table for all of us to be more vulnerable. I see this play out still in my own life group that I meet with on a weekly basis. When one of us chooses to be vulnerable, it has a relational impact on us and helps us to grow in being honest with each other with the goal that we would then be honest before God. not only is this honesty important but the experience of grace is equally essential. Plass and Cofield say, “Grace flows in the context of relationships, where we are known and loved”. As I have had relationships with friends and family extend year after year and the depth of relational knowing has increased, I have experienced their love and grace in ways that other relationships cannot compete with. As I have grown in my relationship with God over the last few years with a specific desire to cultivate not just an intellectual relationship with God but a deep soul and heart-loving relationship, I have experienced his love and grace in new ways as well.
If you would like to read Plass & Coffield for yourself, here is the link to that!